BIGGER THAN YESTERDAY

Fall

Woke up in the middle of the night with Asher buried under my arm. Jackson was calling out in the hallway, “I have to go potty.” By the time I got up, there was a glow from the main bathroom.  Stephie was sitting at the base of the tub. Jackson with his pajamas by his ankles, sitting with his feet off the ground, holding court. He was talking about something that happened a year ago.  A scene that played out at the Bronx train show last Christmas when we bought Jackson a set of two small model trains. Jackson was playing with them on the floor at lunch, and a little boy came over and started playing with him. When it was time to go, Jackson went up to the boy, grabbed the train from his hand and was really mean. The boy burst into tears, and I reacted by taking the train and giving to the little boy. Jackson had a fit going to the car. He had never cried that hard – before or since. When I wavered after Jackson’s howling – Stephie, and especially her mother, Janet who was with us – insisted it was the right thing to do and Jackson would learn a lesson. Here we were a year later, in the middle of the night, with Jackson promising to find the little boy and get him his own train when we went to the show this year.  Then, Jackson  offered up as the greatest gift he has, “Mommy I love you.” Just that.Nothing obvious brought it on. NOTHING is more powerful. Jackson knows that too well.