Jackson’s favorite number is 60
“Daddy, how old are you?”
I tell him.
“So you are pushing 60?”
BIGGER THAN YESTERDAY
What Am I Made of
Last night as Jackson was drifting off to sleep, he asked me, “Daddy, what am I made of.” I could only think of one thing to whisper back, “Jackson, you are made of love.”
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Sing Out Loud
They just released a live Pete Seeger concert from 1965. I looked at the details, and it was recorded at Carnegie Music Hall in Pittsburgh. I was at that concert, age 10 with my friend Muzz. Hence my proud liberal sensitivities were born. One of the few traumas of my childhood happened at that concert. Everyone was singing along, and my voice was getting louder and louder. During “If I Had A Hammer.” I was really singing loudly, because the person that took us told me to stop singing so loudly and I felt slapped down in a way I had never been before. I got the recording, played it this morning – and sang, “If I Had A Hammer” with Jackson. Somewhere in that long ago audience I was singing as loud as I could. I am teaching Jackson to sing even louder!
11.23.11 Posted in Jackson, photos, Something I Heard
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Fall
Woke up in the middle of the night with Asher buried under my arm. Jackson was calling out in the hallway, “I have to go potty.” By the time I got up, there was a glow from the main bathroom. Stephie was sitting at the base of the tub. Jackson with his pajamas by his ankles, sitting with his feet off the ground, holding court. He was talking about something that happened a year ago. A scene that played out at the Bronx train show last Christmas when we bought Jackson a set of two small model trains. Jackson was playing with them on the floor at lunch, and a little boy came over and started playing with him. When it was time to go, Jackson went up to the boy, grabbed the train from his hand and was really mean. The boy burst into tears, and I reacted by taking the train and giving to the little boy. Jackson had a fit going to the car. He had never cried that hard – before or since. When I wavered after Jackson’s howling – Stephie, and especially her mother, Janet who was with us – insisted it was the right thing to do and Jackson would learn a lesson. Here we were a year later, in the middle of the night, with Jackson promising to find the little boy and get him his own train when we went to the show this year. Then, Jackson offered up as the greatest gift he has, “Mommy I love you.” Just that.Nothing obvious brought it on. NOTHING is more powerful. Jackson knows that too well.
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No More Pictures
(taken on the subway this morning just before we got to the museum)
What is the worst threat a child of mine can make?
I am four years into the best subject I have ever had. The subject that changed everything about the way I photograph and see the world. The subject I love more than I could ever describe except through the pictures. The subject who makes me laugh until I am sick, makes me cry from joy, and who has teaches me more about beauty and love than I have ever known.
I live in fear that one day he will turn to me and say, “no more pictures.” and that will be that. I got a small taste of that today. Jackson wanted a toy train at a museum store in New York, one that he already had. I said no. He searched through his pocket of reasons we should get it, then brought this one out for the first time,” Dad, if you don’t get me this train, you can never take pictures again!” He got me, but I needed to understand what he really meant. “Not take pictures of who?” I asked. Jackson explained, “Me or anyone you photograph at work.” I did not give in – we got a green eraser…..but I was given notice.
Asher is still waving his flag and smiling for me if Jackson ever pulls the curtain closed….somehow though, I don’t think that will happen. I think Jackson enjoys looking at the pictures as much as I enjoy taking them. For now, they are his stage to perform on. And he loves performing.
As for Asher, he holds even more cards than Jackson.
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