Artifacts







Not really school,but we called it his first day of school.

Wearing the knapsack A got him.

Where are we going Jackson?

"School. SCHOOL!"

What we didn't expect was how much he knew already.

It was a beautiful fall day. Clear.  Sunny.
All the kids were outside playing.
Felt  like going to the park to play as much as anything.
I carried Jackson from the car to the yard at day care and put him down.

Instantly he turned, shoved his head between my legs and became hysterical crying.
He has almost never done that -and I still can't quite figure out how he knew what was going on.
Five minutes later he was like a dog making his mark on all the toys, checking everything out.
We slipped out when he was busy.

There are these moments that seem so much bigger than all the other moments (and we try so hard not to take any moment for granted)
Moments where you feel yourself saying - oh, there is the sonogram, this is the ride to the hospital to have the baby, this is the moment we are all together for the first time in the new house....and this morning....this is us dropping Jackson at day care for the first time....these are his tears on my pants, his crying out, his holding on.

Jeremy told me last week that my pictures of Jackson are my best work.  I have been struggling to understand what that means.   The Jackson pictures to me are just artifacts I am taking as quickly as I can and shoving into some digital trunk.  Sometimes sharing a couple with you.   I am so much more involved with trying to take in each moment I have - both with Stephie and Jackson.  Maybe the pictures allow us to live more in the moment knowing that at least some of the memories are documented.  I can't imagine a photograph ever having the power that coming in the front door and Jackson running into my arms sighing, "oh....dada" can have.    Yet.....

Tonight when I came home and asked Jackson how his first day at "school" went, all he said was, "train.  swing.  plane. hike."

At one point he got frustrated and laid on his back in the middle of the kitchen having a little moment.  I laid down, too - head to head, reached out to hold his hands and threw my legs straight up into the air.   Jackson went in one second flat from crying to laughing.  He then threw his legs up into the air so our toes could touch.

The grill was getting hot.   Stephie was taking a bath.  We were laughing so hard in the middle of the kitchen floor.  On our backs.  

Like a father and a son.